So Picking up where I left off….
… She replied, ‘me kissing my boyfriend on the cheek and me dancing with my guy friends (the electric slide; mind you) was out of line’ and it took away from the evening. Her words to me were, “The party was a total success other people come up to me at end saying it was cool party but… What’s up with Patrick? And I had wonder was this your fathers 60th birthday or your coming out party? It blew my night.”
“You need to know that everything isn’t appropriate in front everybody”
And that’s when it started, the question became, “well what would you have do? ” and she said just “tone it down” when you’re in front of family. Naturally I said I didn’t think I did anything out of line my tongue wasn’t all down his throat I wasn’t dressed in a rainbow sitting on his lap. I kissed him on the cheek maybe twice the entire party and held his hand all of 2 seconds.
Again my stepmother said all sorts of people were at that party I didn’t have fling it in everyone’s faces, “you just came out a few weeks ago give us sometime”. I was like what want me to do pretend I’m straight when I’m around you or your friends act like he’s not my boyfriend.
She said, no that’s not what she was saying then she went into this whole thing about how I’ve been married to your father 15 years and I know I have to act a certain way with him around certain groups of people.
That’s when I realize she had no idea what she was actually asking of me and when I tried explain she didn’t want to hear so I just said agree to disagree, then she was like well if you can’t tone it down you can’t come around and by me she meant my boyfriend and I.
What was crazy to me is me and my father had spoken before my stepmom and I had spoken and after we had spoken and he didn’t say a word to me about what anyone said to him about me at the party. Because genuinely accepts me for who I am. My dad has reached a place in his maturity and spiritually were all that matters to him is that I’m happy and health.
My stepmother on the other hand doesn’t realize that as a straight person a woman especially no matter how you chose to act around people with your husband no one has ever TOLD you how to act around your husband or will they ever, that’s not the way things work.
So I refuse to betray my principals to obey rules that are unfair to begin with. So we stopped talking.
Then a recently I learned that she been spying on my on facebook and Twitter via her friends and co-workers because she is not memeber of either of these sites.
I stopped by my parent’s house a few weeks ago pick up some mail and say hello to my dad. He turned out to be sleeping when I got there, and my stepmother look like she wanted to say something to me so asked her what was wrong. She went on about how I ruined, “her party” and how I show too much on my facebook and twitter accounts.
But I didn’t let her finish her statement; I just said conversation over… I have never been that angry, heartbroken and disgusted with anyone in my entire life! No up to that point has ever called me that word to my face, it’s a word I hate it’s worse than the “N” word to me. It is not a word I use or tolerate use of. And up into that point my queer experience in life had been a positive on. I’ve never been bashed or harassed for being queer or anything of that nature. And to have it come from one that professed love me no matter what hurt me in a way I can’t describe. And I haven’t spoken to her since.
I just don’t think she understands how hard it is to be young, black and queer.
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