This just something I’d like to share, I think all queer men have experienced this in one form or another..
Life is hard for a black man period. It’s harder when you’re a black man and queer because people of color have a tendency to get funny when it comes to gay. I stopped seeking approval for the life I live a long time ago, but what I find I do need at times is a certain level of respect and understanding. Understanding that because of who I am it’s going to be hard for me, so please don’t make it any harder.
Usually when I’m dating someone I don’t tell my family about them, whether it’s a guy or a girl unless we’ve been dating over a year. Only because my family has tendency to be very critical of whom I date more specifically my stepmother.
Back in January stepmother told me she was planning a party for my dad’s 60th birthday, and that I should invite a few friends etc… And immediately I thought of my boyfriend whom at that point we had been dating 6 months. I am extremely in love with him and this has been the deepest relationship I’ve ever been in. But I still wasn’t sure whether or not to invite him for two reasons. Because of how my family is and because at this point I had not “formally” come out to them (but I was sure they knew, it wasn’t something I tried to hide). So naturally I turned to Teneille for advice.
And told her about my 1 year rule and all, and her exact words to me were, “Patrick, that’s ridiculous and childish rules don’t apply in matters of the heart! Who waits a year that’s crazy?”
I trusted her advice and followed it, I came out to my dad and my step my mom and told then I was dating Tony whom they had met before. They said they already knew (naturally) and I was their kid and as long as I was happy there are ok with who I am.
The day of the party comes I’m running around helping set up the hall running errands etc. I brought Tony and a few of my other friends, and didn’t get to spend too much time with them because I was running around playing the socialite son. Talking to the guest making sure everyone had what they need at their tables making sure everyone had gotten food served to them. Basically a lot more than I had to be doing considering my fathers youngest son.
But I danced the electric slide with my friends had a drink or two, we chilled had fun, no one got stupid or did anything out of line or so I thought. It’s not like we were grinding on the dance floor in a drunken heat.
A week or so later I went my parent’s house to pick up some mail and my little sister told me my stepmother needed to talk to me. In the Laundromat of all places. Basically my stepmother told me that my friends and I behavior at the party was inappropriate.
And I was like what are you talking about?…. (To Be Continued)
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